Control

Control room
Originally uploaded by roomman

I would love to have more control, if just for one day. I don't necessarily need a lot of it, and I don't need to have it all the time. I would just like to think that I am getting my fair share of it, of control.

Control is something I have struggled with for many years. I have often been told that I try to control all outcomes, yet get reminded that this is something I have no control of. So what it is the right balance? Why does talk of control always have such a negative connotation?

Maybe we could be given a certain amount of control, and once we are out of it, then we're just shit out of luck. Would this help us manage our sense of control better?
If we had a boss who was just a control freak, couldn't we just ride it out and wait for him or her to lose complete control?

If we have a controlling spouse, would they eventually get their due? And at what point would we recognize that we are more often than not bending to their wishes and desires. Or are we the controlling person in the relationship, always needing to have decisions and ideas go our way. Who exactly has the control here?

What about self-control? Is it not seen as favorable to manage our own behavior or emotions? This is one of the earliest life lessons we want our children to learn, right?

Then there is letting go of control, which is something we strive for in our adult years. By letting go of control we are better able to free ourselves from emotional pain, or patterns of destructive behavior that leads us back to pain.

So what would I do with my fair share of control? I suppose I would prioritize which outcomes are most beneficial, or important, to me. I would ask myself how I would best benefit from the outcome I seek. I would also likely question if I truly knew what the best outcome was. I would hopefully realize that by letting go of the control, I might end up with an outcome that better suits me, that I hadn't even considered.

Easier said than done? Perhaps. What I would like to strive for is a better locus of control. I would like to maintain a healthier perception of my control over those things which I am capable of influencing.

Besides, I would much rather be thought of as influential than controlling. How about you?