Tangible Memories

How do we remember moments.

For some, pictures are a way of tracking milestones along the way. Whenever a holiday arrives, the camera is taken out. When a vacation is planned, the camera is packed. When one's child performs in a school function, the parent often views the performance through a lens.

I have never been one who chronicles my life with photo images. Maybe I'll one day regret this, or more likely, my children will regret my choices. I often sit and observe those around me who are so caught up in capturing the moment, that they are not really present to what is occurring.

I much prefer to participate in the moment, and rely on my memories. An image on film, or on my computer screen, is pleasant to look at. Photo images often help us to remember special occasions, but what are we remembering? Can we truly remember the emotion evoked by the occasion if we were behind a camera?

For me, I like to let others do the picture taking. I much prefer to remember each moment by what I was feeling. I want to remember the way the air felt, the way the person touched me, or the sounds I heard. I want to capture these moments in words, and to have been fully present enough to give a first person account. This is not to say that photos cannot do the same, they are just not the medium for me. I will rely on others to capture the visual images, while I will take away the emotions that connect me to that particular moment.

I think back on significant days in my personal history, and I am able to remember the way it felt to be there. When I am focused on a particular memory, I am less inclined to picture it in my mind. Most often, I experience the memory as an extension of myself. Each past event has contributed to how I see, or experience, my world today. In that way, the memories are part of who I am. They are stored within me. Some are very cognitive in nature. They remain locked in my mind. Other's are kept near my heart, where they are nurtured. At times I like to stare at myself in the mirror, and see what is revealed to me in that moment. I can also do this by way of touching that part of my body, and experience what is being stored in the spot.

I suppose that each of our bodies are like a road map. We carry our memories where ever we go. We have the ability to call on these memories as a way of teaching us about who we are, or how we are relating to what is before us. It is very individual, we just need to be open to seeing it, feeling it, and recognizing it.

As I write this I am struck by a photo sitting on my dresser. It evokes many feelings within me. It is in an electronic frame, so I am able to change the image at will. In fact, I often change the image, as I don't want to be focused on the same memory just because it happens to be in a frame. I want to see many images, just like I feel many emotions throughout my day or week.

As I sit here, I have been taking short breaks from writing so that my hands can rest on my upper arms. The feeling I get from this is an embrace, which makes me feel safe, and contained. It is comforting, which in turn makes me think of moments in my life when I felt most safe and contained. I can sit here alone, yet feel the memory of a time when I was not alone. I can remember the safety I felt by someones loving arms. I can feel the images of the many people in my life who have occupied this space. They can flash through my mind, and my body, at a pace of my desire. I can slow it down, and I can stop, and rest with the memory of one significant moment.

I look up at the image in the frame. It takes me back to a time of happiness. I can cross my arms, and feel an embrace through my own hands. I have the ability to capture a significant moment. I have the ability to re-experience that moment. I can take a memory, and make it tangible. It brings me peace.